Have you ever heard someone say, “no two pregnancies are alike?” Its true. It doesn’t matter how many babies you have, every pregnancy will have something that makes it unique. That’s why I decided to sit down and ask several women about their birth stories and life as a parent. Each had a different story to tell, but all had a different experience then what they initially thought. Sometimes hearing others experiences can be overwhelming (especially if you are a expecting mother), but sometimes its helpful to know you have different options and that other women have been through it too. 

How did you choose your healthcare provider and what was your experience?

All three of my babies were born at the same hospital, because that’s where my doctor delivers. I chose Dr. McBride for several reasons. I met her when my cousin was pregnant and I accompanied her to a few appointments. I really liked the office staff, nurses, and the doctors. Dr. McBride was so personable and friendly. I felt she always listened to me. The first delivery was not quite what I wanted due to some hospital rules that prevented me from walking around after my water broke. I felt like a lot of that was due to me being a first time mom - they also pressured me to get an epidural which I very firmly refused. (At one point) I finally got sharp with a nurse and they backed off. But my doctor was not on call so she was not there to back me up. I wish this had been different. In the end they gave me Pitocin. Had I been able to move and walk I believe I could have done it naturally! With my second pregnancy, my doctor examined me in the office and said I was indeed in labor. We scheduled a checkin and she broke my water, my daughter was born five hours later and they didn’t even administer fluids. I didn’t need them. I didn’t have any other medications either. It went MUCH smoother. With my third baby, I labored mostly at home and arrived at the hospital in active labor. As soon as my water broke I dilated quickly and she was born before the doctor even got there! It went too fast for me to even focus on. Looking back I might have liked to do a more natural birth, but the cost and lack of one nearby were factors. I was also considered a geriatric mother.

Jan Jefferson, Mineral Wells, Texas 

What was your birth experience?

With my first pregnancy I thought my water broke. I felt a small surge, and it kept leaking for about 2 hours. I had no contractions or pain. I went to hospital, she checked and said it wasn’t my water but kept me for observation. 3 hours later she determined I was in fact leaking amniotic fluid and admitted me. I was able to walk around the hospital for a solid hour  before coming back to L&D. Still no pain or contractions. I was told they had to start Pitocin if I wasn’t having contractions. I was uneducated and it was the middle of the night so they didn’t call my doctor. I was only 37 weeks. My water started leaking again and they started Pitocin around 5am. By 12 pm they started to tell me I wasn’t progressing and if I didn’t get an epidural to “help my body relax” they would have to do a c-section. Above all else I did NOT want a c-section. My doctor was on vacation that week. I caved and got an epidural because I thought that was my only way to avoid a c-section. My baby was born three weeks early. My second pregnancy I had given up on a natural birth since I felt the first one was ruined. I had zero medical direction or support on a natural labor or midwife. I went into labor on my own with fierce contractions at 11am. I got to the hospital and was four centimeters. I got a epidural and about twenty minutes later my left arm went numb and fell off the bed. It was at that moment I realized the epidural had reversed and all I could think was my heart and lungs were next. I immediately started panicking and hyperventilating. They gave me oxygen and rushed the anesthesiologist in. It was very traumatic. She threw me up on the side of the bed and started pulling tubes out of my back very quickly. They left me to lay there for a little bit longer and monitor me then re-inserted the epidural. It was excruciating the second time. Overall that experience led me to have natural birth at a birthing center my third pregnancy.  I saw the entire team of midwives, but had one main midwife that was with me through my entire pregnancy. She gave me scriptures to calm my fears before labor. My water broke on it’s own (for the first time ever) 10 days past my due date. Labor was very very intense and quick. I went from 4 centimeters into full transition in one hour. I birthed in the tub. It was primal as well as spiritual. One of the most spiritual experiences I’ve ever had. My recovery with my natural birth was unlike anything compared to my hospital Births.

Vanessa James, North Texas

Where did you choose to have your babies and why? 

I had my first baby in a birthing center and my second two at home. Being a RN and having witnessed more than 100 births I was terrified to have a child at a hospital. I switched providers at 34 weeks with my first and gave birth at 37 weeks. The next two I had at home. I didn’t like being herded through the system, feeling like another number with a checklist. I love the personalized and detailed treatment that midwives provide. I felt much safer and cared for and I did it from the comfort of my home without having to go anywhere. That was a huge plus. 

Anonymous, Weatherford, Texas

Is there any encouragement you have for mothers?

Remember that other mothers have gone through some of the same things you are going through. Always ask for help, even when you dont want to. I had emergency c-sections with both of my pregnancies. I knew I would have both of my boys via c-section, but I didn’t think they would both be born premature. Oliver was born at 33 weeks due to preeclampsia. (Preeclampsia happens in pregnancy when your blood pressure is too high) (Doctors) generally treat it with bed rest and medicines, but sometimes it’s so high that they have to deliver the baby early. That is what happened with me. Noah was born at 23 weeks 6 days. I developed preeclampsia very early with him and was put on hospital bed rest for a week before they had to deliver him.

Arin Hudgins, Wylie, Texas

How old are your children? 

I have two boys one is six and the other is three. 

What surprised you the most about being a parent?

The noise and how quiet a life I lived before. I have always known that I was an introvert who preferred quiet and calm, but I did not realize just how much noisy wildness children would bring and how much it would drain me by the end of the day. Oh, but how much your heart loves. Loving a parents is strong, but I have found that there is nothing as consuming as loving your child. 

Is there any advice you have for mothers in the thick of it?

Being a military wife generally means that I do not have the strong, established support system available to me. I like to imagine the old days when things were easier, less demands and expectations for mothers and parenting.  People knew that help needed but (also) would generally be accepted. Today, we are reticent to accept help when it is offered. We do not know how to offer help as a result and are even less willing to ask for it.  So my advice...

1. Say yes. Even if you think they don’t really want to help, still say yes. If they aren’t specific in how they want to help, then be specific for them. Don’t be afraid to give them the dirty work. When I said yes, I found so many who were truly willing to help out but just didn’t know how.  

2. Talk about it. Whatever it is, talk about it. The funny, the bad, and the indifferent. You will find support in the most unlikely of places. And you will realize that you really are not alone.

Therasa Nettesheim, Milwaukee Wisconsin