Have you ever heard the phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child?” No one actually knows where this phrase came from, although some have suspected from a Native American tribe or a African proverb, but no matter the origin, it is one hundred percent true. It doesn’t take much researching to find that America is one of the top countries, if not number one, for postpartum depression in women. Why? America is one of the only cultures where women are left to do motherhood on their own. Most every other culture in the world has a “tribe” that surrounds the new mother for months after she gives birth to help cook, clean, and take care of her other children (if any) while the mom heals and bonds with her new baby.
When I became a mother my world was literally turned upside down and I suffered from culture shock. I didn’t have just one baby to take care of, I had two. No one in my family had had twins. Non of my younger friends had had twins either. My husband and I were was completely on our own trying to figure out this new world and it was STRESSFUL.
I had always been someone who worked in the office and now I was suddenly a full time mom to two. The first six months my husband and I were in strict survival mode living off a little sleep and a lot of Jesus, but by their first birthdays they were sleeping through the night, eating solid foods, and we felt like we finally found our rhythm. Then BOOM we found out baby number three was on the way. Imagine trying to chase two rambunctious toddlers while you are nine months pregnant.
A month after their second birthday little sister arrived. We thought wed have a sweet moment at the hospital introducing them, but after her first cry that was all over. My parents literally had been at the hospital for 30 minutes before they had to carry our twins out because they would not stop crying. It was like that for the first two months their sister was home. Every time she cried it was total meltdowns. My husband and I found ourselves in a state of exhaustion all over again. We were becoming more reclusive without even trying. When we finally got all three kids to bed all we wanted to do was eat, take a shower, and catch up on sleep ourselves. We thought what parent has time for friends? We barely have time for ourselves and date nights. Our daughter was exclusively nursed AND co-sleeping with us because it was just easier. So imagine our surprise when two days before our her first birthday we found out we were expecting our fourth baby.
..........Long story short we are now parents to four kids under the age of four. Why am I telling you this? We wouldn’t be where we are today without our village. My friend and doula (yes even doulas need doulas) has been with me through all four of my births and has been such a wealth of wisdom when it comes to making sure my physical, emotional, and mental state is good. My parents and sister have cooked, cleaned, allowed us to sleep, and make it out of the house for date night. Although we find ourselves overwhelmed yet again as we have three toddlers and a newborn we know that with the help of our “village” we will again find our rhythm once again.
Its important to find a a community/support system (whether family, friends, postpartum doula, or local mom/parent group) that you can call on for help, wisdom, comfort, and advice when you need it. People are not meant to walk through parenthood alone, it truly takes a village.
Xo,
Ashley
“Its important to have a community/support system that you can call on...”